


Stillborn

by Sa1989



Category: Holby City
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-01-23 13:56:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21321301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sa1989/pseuds/Sa1989
Summary: Lofty's child is stillborn.
Relationships: Ben "Lofty" Chiltern/Dominic Copeland
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this fic to my cousin David who was stillborn.

STILLBORN   
I lay here with Helen in my arms cursing god for his cruelty. I know that it took awhile to get my head around being a father but once I did I started to imagine what it would be like. I pictured teaching my son how to play soccer or having tea parties with my daughter. I was really excited about it in the end. Dom and I even worked out the role he would play, Helen had agreed to name him the god father. Dom and I were just starting to pick out furniture for the baby nursery and now I am forced to pick out a coffin for the child that never got to live. Helen and I had gone in for her week 35 ultrasound and found out that our baby had died in the womb. Helen had broken down in tears, but I just stood there dry eyed unable to take in the news. Helen still had to go through the trauma of birth even though the baby was dead. After giving birth helen had not wanted to look at the still form of our son and I respected that decision but I had held his tiny little body before I let the staff take him from me. The nurse had promised me that he would be treated with respect and I know I should be able to take a little comfort in that but all I feel is numbness. I guess that people are right the worst pain in this world is the pain of losing a child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to offend anyone and I do believe in God but dom doesn't

I am making coffee while watching Helen and lofty talk to pastor bill about the arrangements for the funeral service. I feel like I am a intruder, watching them grieve. When I heard, I felt like my heart was breaking and I couldn't breathe and yet what right do I have to grieve baby Joshua. I wasn't his father, I wasn't the one who had to hold his dead son but I still feel like I have lost a love one. I am trying to be there for lofty but I have no idea on what to say or do. When someone dies you are meant to able to take comfort from all the good times but lofty and Helen never had any time with their son. I hear the pastor say that this is a part of god's plan and I feel my hands ball into frists. How can he say that this is a part of some bigger plan when lofty and Helen will never get to know their son, never see him take his first steps or to to see him grow up. I snap and throw a mug against the wall. Both lofty and Helen jump and the pastor looks at me with kind eyes and says "it's okay to be angry but remember Joshua is in a better place." I just shoot him a glare before storming out of the flat unable to stay and listen to more empty words of comfort because I don't need comfort. I know there is a hole is my heart that will never be filled, no matter how long I live.


End file.
